Facing Life Without Bitterness

One day a curious young woman set out to understand life. It seemed like a huge thing to comprehend, but she was determined to look at each part that came in front of her, holding and examining each piece in the same way that a geologist ponders over rocks and stones and derives great wealth from what others see as meaningless objects.

She asked a friend, “How would you describe yourself?” The previously smiling, animated face became dark and a cloud of anguish took over the once pretty features.

“I’m a person who has suffered greatly,” she murmured. Her words came out something like a moan. “Life is so unfair,” she continued, “I see myself in every person’s tear, cry, and scream for mercy.”

The young woman sat mesmerized by her friend’s words. “I’m so sorry,” she replied, with great feeling. “I always thought you were a happy person. I’m really quite amazed.”

Her friend laughed, a wild sarcastic outburst, and said, “I keep it all inside. Here!” she said as she thumped her chest. “No one understands. No one can comprehend how I feel,” she said in anguish.

“That’s true,” responded the young woman quietly, “No one can feel another’s pain.” She patted her friend lightly on her hand and got up to leave.

“Are you just going to leave me here?” her friend asked in anguish.

“I cannot help you, though I wish I could,” answered the young woman.

“But I told you how I feel because I thought you would understand,” she cried with wild bright eyes.

“I do understand, but I cannot help you my dear friend because I cannot live your life for you.”

“Can’t you speak to me then?”

“Yes, I can speak but you are the one who must act.”

“Tell me! I’ll obey! How can I get rid of these pains I feel inside?”

The young woman knew this was the first main test of her life. She drew up her courage and every scrap of wisdom she could find and looked her friend directly in the eyes. “First, my friend, I discovered that you live your life behind a façade.”

“What do you mean?”

“You show yourself to the world that you are happy and carefree, yet inside you harbor pain and hurt.”

“What should I do? Be miserable everyday?”

“No, my friend. Look at your past straight in the eyes and resolve it. Say goodbye to it, turn and move forward. Leave the past where it belongs — in the past. And don’t carry it with you to burden your present.”

“I don’t like my life!” said the frantic woman.

“That’s because you haven’t given yourself time to know yourself and where you’re heading in your life. You have chosen to define yourself by pain. You have chosen to be a victim.”

“Chosen to be a victim? I’m outraged!”

“Who hurt you?”

“I was hurt by someone I loved dearly.”

“What happened to that person?”

“That person has since suffered greatly.”

“Life catches up with many of us.”

“The pain still lies in here and I feel so angry.”

“You are choosing to be so.”

“I can’t accept your words! I wish I could be free of it.”

“Then you must do one of two things, either forgive or leave that person to Allah and pray for justice.”

“I cannot forgive.”

“It would be better and a higher level of piety.”

“I cannot.”

“Then you must leave that person to Allah and move forward.”

“What do you mean by ‘move forward’?”

“I mean live your life in the present, not in the past. No one can bring the past back to life. And do not live in dreams for the future because all we have is now. You are what you are now.”

“Surely it’s not that easy. My life is a whole bunch of twisted, turning, interwoven patterns of trouble, tests, and trials.”

“Don’t forget the love that urged you forward to take the twists and turns.”

“Yes, there was love too.”

“Everything in your life — both good and bad — combines together to make you who you are. Why do you curse the things that enable you to be you? You are the one who makes the choices that take you through the journey of life!”

“I didn’t choose to be hurt!”

“But you are choosing how you will react, and therein lies your power to change for the better or the worse.”

“How can I escape from years in one single day?”

“Every day we have a clean page. It’s up to us what we write on that page.”

“I don’t have control over everything.”

“You have control over how you act towards life’s events. Your reactions steer your life.”

“What about forgiveness?”

“Yes, forgiveness is the highest and most noble of virtues. When you are hurt by careless words, say, ‘For all the times I’ve spoken thoughtlessly, I forgive you.’ If someone oppresses you, say, ‘For all the times I’ve misused my power, I forgive you.’ If someone cheats you and betrays you, say, ‘For every time I’ve been a fool, I forgive you.’ Then the One who is the source and owner of love, forgiveness, and mercy will take you close to Him and your heart will be free.”